That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
