I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he fucked my hip out of place.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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