I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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