so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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