Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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