At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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