Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
