I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
