chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
