Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
