I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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