Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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