1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
