We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
