God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
