Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
