Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
