Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
