The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
