Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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