All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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