Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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