Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
