Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
