I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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