I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
