the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
