Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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