all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You are the jesus of drinking
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
