I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
