You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
