I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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