There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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