how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
