ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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