I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
