Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize