I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
