I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
