Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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