Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
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Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
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Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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