I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
