you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
