I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
