No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
as a side note pls kill me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
