obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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