just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
