Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
