i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
