If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
