evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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