i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
