If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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