she was so not down for the gang bang
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
