piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
