I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
