Whatcha textin bout Willis?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
