I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
