Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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