She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
