I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
