If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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