I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
