If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
