I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
