I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just found puke in my bra..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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