I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i think my tv is drunk
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
