I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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