margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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