Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
