i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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