3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
