This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
